1. Last seen 1980 ! : D
2. God is really creative , I mean .. just look at me! : )
3. I hate fake people. You know what I ' m talking about . Mannequins . : D
4. I ' m not lazy , I' m on energy saving mode
5. I love my job only when I' m on vacation ...
6. Never make eye contact while eating a banana .
7. Life is Short - Chat Fast !
8. If life gives you lemons , just add vodka .
9. How can i miss something i never had?
10. Hey there whatsapp is using me.
11. Girls use photoshop to look beautiful. .
Boys use photoshop to show their creativity .
12. Fact : Phone on silent mode - 10 Missed call. .. Turns volume to loud - Nobody calls all day!!
13. Girls , if he only wants your breasts , legs, and thighs. send him to KFC .
14. You can never buy Love .. .. But still you have to pay for it ..
15. If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back , come to me. I ' ll tell you more.
16. Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status ?
17. I live in a world of fantasy , so keep your reality away from me!
18. A bank is a place that will lend you money , if you can prove that you don ' t need it .
19. My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death . .!!
20. When I ' m a Pedestrian I Hate cars. .
When I' m Driving I Hate Pedestrians . ..
21. Whoever says "Good Morning" on Monday ' s deserves to get slapped : )
22. Mosquitos are like family . Annoying but they carry your blood .
23. Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook .
24. Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet ..
25. I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes !!
Save water drink beer .
26. 6 Peg Loading .. : D
27. Dear Lord , there is a bug in your software . ..it ' s called # Monday , please fix it
28. Always wear cute pajamas to bed you ' ll never know who you will meet in your dreams .
29. God is really creative , i mean .. just look at me : P.
30. Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire ..
31. When I ' m on my death bed , I want my final words to be " I left one million dollars in the .. .
32. I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
33. My father always told me, ' Find a job you love and you ' ll never have to work a day in your life .
34. Life is too short smile while you still have teeth ...
35. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
36. If College has taught us anything , it ' s texting without looking : )
37. I ' m Jealous Of My Parents ... I ' ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
38. Here my dad comes on whatsapp. .. From now on my status would be '***no status ***' or just a smiley ....
39. Don ' t kiss behind the garden , Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
40. I Like to study. . Arithmetic - NO .. . world history - NO .. .. chemistry - NO .. .. GIRLS - YES !!!
41. Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship !! : P
42. People call me mike .. You can call me tonight . . : p
43. In Modern Politics , Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan !!!
44. C . L .A .S . S - come late and start sleeping : )
45. Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol ( o _ o ) (>_<) ( 0 _0 ) (^_^)
46. Everything is 10 x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh .
47. People who exercise live longer, but what ' s the point when those extra years are spent at gym .
48. Relationship Status : Looking for a WiFi connection .
49. It may look like I' m deep in thought, but 99 % of the time I ' m just thinking about what food to eat later .
50. Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you ' re going to die .
51. When a newly married man looks happy , we know why . But when a ten -year married man looks happy , we wonder why .
52. Wrestling is obviously fake . Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants ?
53. Sorry about those texts I sent you last night , my phone was drunk .
54. We are WTF generation .. .. WhatsApp , Twitter and Facebook : D
55. Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
It ' s been 70 + years , Tom . You ' re never going to eat Jerry : )
56. I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. : )
57. There ' s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world . .. huh
58. Dear Lord , all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won ' t make a bad person .
59. I don ' t usually sleep enough , but when I do , it ' s still not enough ;)
60. My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it . lolz
61. The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight : )
62. I am not addicted to WHATS APP . I only use it when I have time .. ... .. lunch time , break time , bed time , this time , that time , any time , all the time . : )
63. Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore .
64. The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is " Salary is Credited " : )
65. Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading .
66. Years of education , solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
67. Flirtationship : More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
68. Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat .
69. In bed, it ' s 6 AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes , it ' s 7 : 45 . At school it ' s 1 : 30 , close your eyes for 5 minutes, it ' s 1 : 31
70. I wonder what happens when doctor ' s wife eats an apple a day . : )
71. GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything .
72. I only need 3 things in life : Food , Wifi, Sleep : )
73. Boys , if you don ' t look like calvin klein models , don ' t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels . ( From All Bachelor Girls Association ) : )
74. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life , unless I buy something .
TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED : )
75. I ' ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide . : )
76. Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities .
77. At least mosquito ' s are attracted to me
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